Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Confidence curtailed

So about a month, month and a half ago, I was feeling a little more confident and committed to begin karate again. Partly to support the little one who just made it to the big leagues in karate and wanted me to do it with her due to her own self doubt, partly for myself. I started strong and felt good about what I was doing. I believed that I could really see it through and make it to black belt.
Then the confidence disappeared and was replaced with doubt and anxiety.
I'm quite certain now that there's no way that I can ever remember the forms or the combinations.
Plus there's the whole I'm way too tired all the time, desperately just want to hide from the world issue.
Oh yeah....that.
And, there is the legitimate issue of the tremor in my legs thanks to the Ritalin (that I've stopped) that's still bothering me significantly.
So there is my dilemma. I've made this commitment both to myself and to my daughter and now I'm failing miserably in following through. I just can't bring myself to do it. The anxiety, the almost pain at the thought of getting dressed and getting out in class.
I feel absolutely horrible about it all which is not helping with the depression, as I'm sure you can imagine.
So that's me....

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