Dear...Me?

So I read an article yesterday about irritability in bipolar. It talked about how tracking irritability can be a better indicator of mood shifts than tracking other emotions. It also listed multiple coping strategies that various people use when they sense irritability becoming a factor. One of those strategies was to read a "crisis letter".
Now this is a new concept to me. I was interested in finding out what exactly a crisis letter is.
Turns out, a crisis letter is a letter you write to yourself to read when you're in a bad place, whatever that may mean for you. A letter to read that will boost or empower you to get through whatever it is that you're experiencing or, in the very least, help you calm down in the immediate.
I like this idea. So did my boyfriend. As a matter of fact, it gave me an idea; for us to write letters for each other instead of for ourselves.
What better way to get a boost than from someone who loves you?
So, that's what we've done. We've written letters for each other.
I look forward to reading the encouraging words from someone who not only loves me but knows that I can make it through whatever I may be facing at the moment.
What do you think??

One of Those....

Everyone knows those people...

Those people that can make life miserable. Those people that always have something to bitch about. Those people that make everything about them and find a way to make drama.

That person that takes crazy to a whole new plane...

Yeah.

I mean, I'm crazy, don't get me wrong. Certifiable, as a matter of fact. But I'm talking about that psychotic person, most always female, that takes bitching to a new level of torture never before experienced.

Yeah...

Got one of those in life right now.

This particular breed of psycho bitch, while not interrupting our lives in the way I'm sure she hopes to, makes an annoyance of herself rather effectively. Nothing that isn't totally dealable and dismissable though. And believe me, she's easily dismissed!!

Renewed

Let me tell you a story...

Circa 18 years ago I met a kid (we were both 16) who became my first love. We had significant hurdles to overcome (for a more complete picture see the post A pretty big bullet...point) and we didn't make it together. We were together a whopping 6 months before we, quite naturally (if you read the above post), unraveled.

I spent about 14 years with a baseless, albeit rational, fear of him not to mention a strong dislike until one day I decided I was done. I came to a life altering realization; he did nothing wrong. Not truly. And, as I've said in the above mentioned previous post, it had been oh so very long ago.

Time to move on.

So I did. I even went so far as to contact him to let him know that I had moved on and was open to a renewed friendship should he see himself willing and able.

A number of months went by and he finally contacted me back with a willingness to cultivate a new friendship, of which we began immediately.

Fast forward approximately 4 years, lots of life hurdles that we've worked through together, and near constant daily contact later, we find ourselves in a new situation.

We have fallen back in love with each other.  : )

Yay!

We presently only have one obstacle and that is distance. He is currently 1300 miles away. While he's been here for 1 visit and will be coming back out in less than 2 months, he won't be moving out here until the beginning of the year.

This has certainly been a boost in my life although I still struggle significantly with my depression and anxiety.

He and I are very well matched and understand each other in a way that neither of us has ever found in the past. We're very excited about the future and the possibilities that lie before us. We understand that no road is perfectly smooth but we look forward to tackling anything that comes our way together with teamwork, communication and understanding.

So there you have it. My big announcement. The newest update.

: )

Thoughts? Questions?

Light, gone

Last time I updated you I mentioned being put on Ritalin to try to boost me out of this ridiculous depression that has had me locked in for oh so long.

Well, as of a few days ago, despite it doing what now seems like wonders, I am off of it.

I had a seemingly small but incredibly annoying and worsening reaction to it.

My legs were shaking. And it worsened to the point that they shook so bad, even when standing, that I constantly trembled. It was a rare occasion that I was able to find a position that they could relax and be still.

I was advised by a nurse, after having missed 2 days worth of doses due to a clerical error, to go ahead and stop it because of the reaction.

Since then I have noticed just how much it really was helping.

Since stopping I have been sleeping later, wanting to retreat from life more again and I find that my mind is not as clear as it had been. While I realized at the time that I was able to get up easier and had a little more energy I didn't fully realize the positive impact it truly had. And now that I'm off of it I miss it. While the shaking still has not resolved, it is improving which I'm thankful for.

So that's where I'm at most recently with my medication challenges.

Hoping you're all well-